Few months ago, I went off track. I didn’t even realise until I found myself feeling “OK” with things I would have otherwise not been ok with, if you know what I mean.
So I set myself on a mission, a mission to redemption!
First of all, let me tell you, I was a very angry person. I would fight the fight till someone goes down (lol) probably because I didnt have many people to get angry at. And yes, supressing anger counts!!! Because once you get angry that anger is just inside you, your mind becomes like a bubbling volcano, that would explode sometime, somewhere.
Ok, maybe I am exaggerating “my anger”. But I am going somewhere with it.
The moment I realised I was starting to enter the ”annoyed” mode more often, I decided that getting rid of the anger is the first step. I read articles and listened to lectures and ofcourse reasoned with myself.
Almost everything I read is pretty summed up here :
If you are too lazy to click on that, then here are the 30 reasons to avoid being an angry and argumentative person:
1. “And when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with ‘Salamaa’ (peaceful words of gentleness).” (Qur’an, 25:63)
2. “If they pass by some vain speech or play, they pass by it with dignity.” (Qur’an, 25:72)
3. “And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys… But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book.” (Qur’an, 31:19-20)
4. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “He who gave up disputing while he is right, a palace of high rank in Paradise will be built for him. He who gave up disputing while he is a fabricator, a palace in the center of Paradise will be built for him.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it as hasan)
5. “There are no people who went astray after having been guided except for indulging in disputation.” (al-Tirmidhi)
6. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ repeated three times, “Those who search deeply for confusing questions have perished.” (Muslim)
7. “Do not dispute with your brother, ridicule him, nor promise him and then break your promise.” (al-Tirmidhi)
8. Bilal ibn Sa’d radiAllahu `anhu (ra) said, “If you see a disputing, arrogant, and bigoted person, bear in mind that they are utterly lost.”
9. Luqman `alayhi assalam (as) said to his son, “O son! Do not dispute with the knowledgeable lest they detest you.”
10. `Umar (ra) said, “Do not learn knowledge for three things and do not leave it for three things. Do not learn it to dispute over it, to show off with it, or to boast about it. Do not leave seeking it out of shyness, dislike for it, or contending with ignorance in its stead.”
11. It was narrated that Abu Hanifa said to Dawud al-Taa’i, “Why do you prefer seclusion?” Dawud replied, “To struggle against myself to leave disputing.” Abu Hanifah said, “Attend meetings, listen to what is said, and remain silent.” Dawud said, “I have done so, but I have found nothing heavier than this.”
12. `A’ishah (ra) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “The most hated person with Allah is the most quarrelsome person.” (al-Bukhari)
13. Ibn Qutaybah said that his disputant said to him, “What is the matter with you?” He replied to him, “I will not dispute with you.” The disputant then said, “Thus you have come to know that I am right.” Ibn Qutaybah responded, “No, but I respect myself more than that.” At this the disputant retracted and said, “And I will not claim a thing that is not my right.”
14. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The one initiating abuse incurs the sin of abusing as long as the other did not return it.” (Muslim)
15. “The believer does not curse.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan)
16. “The believer does not defame, abuse, disparage, nor vilify.” (al-Tirmidhi, sahih)
17. “Do not invoke Allah’s curse, His anger, or Hellfire.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan sahih)
18. “Men accustomed to cursing will not be intercessors or witnesses on the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim)
19. Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (ra) narrated, “I asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about what saves me from Allah’s wrath, and he said, “Do not become angry.” (al-Tabarani and Ibn Abdul Barr) Ibn `Umar, Ibn Mas’ud, and Abu Darda’ (ra) relate similar conversations on their own behalf.
20. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “He who is victorious over his passion at the time of anger is the strongest among you. He who forgives having the power to release (his anger and take revenge) is the most patient among you.” (a-Baihaqi in Shu’ab al-Imaan)
21. Abu Hurairah (ra) narrated, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘The strong person is not he who has physical strength but the person is strong if he can control his anger.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)
22. `Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote to one of his governors and said, “Do not punish at the time of anger. If you are angry with any man, keep him in detention. When your anger is appeased punish him in proportion to his crime.”
23. ‘Ali ibn Zaid mentioned, “A man of the Quraysh spoke harshly to the Caliph `Umar Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Aziz who remained silent for a long time and then said, “You wish that the devil rouses in me the pride of the Caliphate and I treat you so rudely that you can take revenge tomorrow (in the Afterlife) on me.”
24. Ibn ‘Abbas (ra) narrated, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “And when you get angry, keep silent.” (Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi)
25. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Anger is a burning coal. It burns in the heart.” (al-Tirmidhi and al-Bayhaqi)
26. “When anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution because anger arises from fire.” (Abu Dawud)
27. “Nobody swallows a more bitter pill than that of anger—seeking the satisfaction of Allah.” (Ibn Majah)
28. `Umar (ra) said, “He who fears Allah cannot give an outlet to his anger (by sinning). He who fears Allah cannot do what he likes.”
29. A nomad said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Advise me.” And he ﷺ said, “If a man defamed you with what he knows about you, do not defame him with what you know about him. For the sin is against him.” The nomad said, “I never abused any person after that.”
30. Al-Hasan (ra) said, “He that did not safeguard his tongue did not understand his religion.”
And yes, I put them in quotes because I knew you were lazy!!
Anyway this is what I have been upto and the change is as expected, really good! Even though people may think (at times) that you are some kind of mutant-chicken-face, but its worth the peace you get from walking away or stopping/avoiding a potential emotion-explosion.
When you control your emotions, you are the boss of YOU but the moment you let others impact you so much that you lose control of your emotions, you are basically giving them the steering wheel!
So, yah, don’t do that.